~Sending U Off to Work❤~

28/4/10

8am in de morning~~
I've sent u to work lik I always do last time...
I jus love tat feelings...cos v can chat, talk rubbish, have a great laugh b4 u go work.
After u went down the lift, I'll peek u through de window to c u went into car til u drove away~~
Bt since i worked, I nvr gt de chance to do tat again...cos i leave early den u to work.

Ystrdy i went to drink wit wit whole bunch of frens...
Cos i jus thk tat...whn i drunk den i can forgt evrythg~~
Bt seems lik it doesnt works...although is jus half way drunk,I wil stil thk of u & wat u've said to me~~
Tears uncontrolably drip again~~

I woke up feelin so dizzy & have de feeling of wanna vomit...
Cos i din take my dinner & jus drink...
Dear ask me to take MC,bt i tot it will be ok...after took my bath..feel so sick den i jus sleep bak...
Dear ask me "U drink alot ystrdy??gt take ur dinner ma???"
I realy happy to hear tat u wil stil care bout me...

I wanna went off to sleep...bt mind jus keep on processing...memories keep scanning through~~I jus decide to wake up on9~~
If last time de me...surely sleep d.bt nw...i almost have a hard time to sleep...>.<

Evey now & then, whenever I'm so free...my heart wil lingers bak to u~~
All thgs bout u will scan thru again~~
I realise hw much I ♥ You, Hw important U r in my heart.

~It Changes From Becoming My Everythg To Nothg~

24/4/10

Everythg was so normal whn u fetch me bak Klg in de morning,
I stil cal u, to ask bout ur work evrythg...
Stil in de status of a gf to u~~
Bt midnite whn i' singin k with my fren...u jus send me a msg & say tat u canot commit in to tis relationship as your heart stil gt her.

That 1 lil msg realy SLAP me HARD,STAB thru my HEART!!
My whole heart become so heavy~~,
My Foot steps become heavier everytime i walk a step,
Feelings was so messy at tat time i dun even have de energy to talk anymore jus cry~~
I tot u were jus too tired so u wan a rest,bt after al tis 8mth+ u told me, its cause of her stil inside ur heart,
I nvr blame u, as i understood its nt easy to forgt de 8yrs relationship that u've expected to gt married wit her tis yr,
Bt nw oni i noe tat u've nvr realy open ur heart to let me in,
wat I am to u al tis while???

We tok it through de nxt day, oni i noe tat she sits deep in ur heart which u cant jus pluck it out.
U say u dun1 to be unfair to me,as u cant realy commit into tis relationship & cant giv me wat i want.
Al u say was right bout me, I nvr realy want to admit that i'm suffer in this relationship although in de early time i had notice tis prob.
All i thk was u is my 1st priority whn i thk of sumthg,
All i thk was she's ur past, wat important nw is i'm wit u~& i wanna cherish al de moment tat v could spent together.
I will try my best to make tis relationship works & same time i giv u bak de Happy memory.
Evrytime i jus dun have de guts to tel u de prob tat i facing wit u cos u jus dun have de time for al tat,u were jus too tired to even have de time for tis miscelanneos prob.
So i jus rather i keep it to myself & hope tat evrythgs jus go fine.
Bt seems lik im wrong, if early we jus tok bout it, will it end up lidat??

U say whn u on Fb de other nite & u saw my profile pic which stated
" I ❤ TAZ ", All u thk was u scare she saw tis. U dun1 to let her noe, u already have others, which it hurts so much to me.

U told me u realise tis prob very long d,jus u dun hav de guts to told me,
de more i treat u gd, de more stress u are cos u feel tat u cant giv me wat i wan.
All u wan nw is jus alone to calm down evrythg, which i realy scare of hearing it.
Thos were de words tat my ex told me whn he wanna break.

All ur world revolves about her,
De pillow u hugging, tat nite oni i noe tat she's act sleep on tat, tats y u cant even let me touch it.
I knew ur hp al along oso gt her pic inside,
U nvr stored our pic inside ur hp,
De lil gal u took pic wit, u were so happy cos u told me u n her use to very lik lil gal, & she was exactly look alike lik de lil gal u n her want to hav.

Nw our relationship is jus lik stranger where i can feel tat whn u face me u feel so stress, cos i was so down to let u noe bout it.
Nw i jus cant focus on wat im doin act,
U were right, after i be wit u, u were my priority as u were de energy of de day to let me go thru de whole day,
Bt nw de energy has gone, i feel so LOST,
My heart seems so empty, everyday de foot steps i took out of ur hs feel so heavy, cos i jus so scare i cant c u again.

We use to have so much laughter together, bt nw al tat seems jus vanish~~

Mayb 1day our conversation nt more thn 100 words...Last time we use to talk alot~~
De journey to my work place seems so long, unreachable~~
De music i listen to become so sorrow tat act contains wat i act felt in my heart,
Tears uncontrolably wil drops, whn i jus thk of wat u told me tat nite.

All I noe was i jus wanna be wit u wit happy moment til i leave to UK.
Bt u say u cant do it,cos u dun1 to giv me any more hope.
I realy jus hope for you to giv me de happy memory b4 i left to UK,
I noe i wil miss u hardly over ther..
Bt i wan happy moment which i can put it in my heart as well...

Love was a dangerous game to play with, Whn U're so Involve in it,somethg went wrong, U'll Hurt deeper~~

~SiLent Hurt~

17/04/2010

Ppl wouldnt noe wat pain tat we feel, whn we tel thm, cos de needle nt poke at their skin neither happening to thm...
Say was easy for thm....

Here I am...listening to Lee Hom- Ni Bu Zai, thkin hw my relationship is mayb almost de same as de story goes...
I tot i shud be de one who loved by ppl, yet end up I be de person who loves ppl.
Nw I und y ppl say we mus be de one who loved by ppl so we will be de happiest person in de world...

De 8th mth d...yet, i stil doesnt feel de love tat i shud from u??
Mayb...U too busy with ur work d??
Mayb...after work u'r so tired til u have no energy to thk bout it anymore...
Mayb...U expect me to und ur circumstances???
Mayb...U feel its nt a need to improve it???
Mayb...Btw us stil haven und each other???
Mayb...Cos we dun have our own private time together???
Mayb...Is due to our lack of communication???
May...tis...Mayb...tat...alot of Maybes~~

Mon-Fri work..sumtimes Sat oso....
Bt whn u no work,we seldom go paktoh d...cos u wil say u tired...wanna rest...ok tats fine wit me..cos i und...i nvr force u...
Bt wit ur frens...u nvr seems tired...cos u say u meet thm less...ok..tats oso fine...
Bt...have u ever feel hw i feel??
Mayb..de way u show ur love is diff gua...which i stil nid time to adjust to it...

I LOVE de way tat U're CONFIDENT in urself,
Bt tat oso makes me feel insecured from de inside...
I'm goin UK for 3mths+ in June...do u noe hw i would feel??
I noe I shud be confidence in u~~
Bt...den de way u show it,jus makes me no faith in it...can u gt it???

I realy can c de Future whn im wit u~~which i dun c it on other guy,
bt can u jus giv me de confidence to jus keep HANG ON!!!

Wat i do jus keep to myself which nobody could act und...
Haih~~>.<

End Of 2nd yr 2nd sem of my Coll Life~~@@

22/01/2010

Today..last day of my finals...Integrated Marketing Comm...It was a tough paper which i almost tot i could crap...bt seems lik nothg came out although in the morning i drank a bottle of BRANDS chic essence~~XD

Wake up at around 4.30am forcing my eyes to open & study for de last time, took bath around 6am & get ready to catch the bus~~ When i step out of the hs...trying to convince myself izit today FRI???Exam day??almost feel lik it isnt & I Took out my HP to check on de day~~Stated FRI 22/01/10...tellin myself yes...its fri~~correct...ahaha~~

I gt 3days time to study for it...bt din treasure & only start study 2days ago...infront of comp chasing de korean drama Boys over Flowers which is jus de same version of Taiwan Meteors Garden~~Damn...I kept tellin myself to study~~bt de attention is jus on de drama and Bejewel...i became addicted.... Outside de class room we were about to goin~~FUCK!!!!saw a teacher who i hate her vry much & de same time she nvr like me b4~doesnt matter~~its gonna b de last time i c her~~BLek~~=P

Inside de hall....i Look at de question lik thousand of question mark on my head figuring out hw to do..i was so tired i could jus fall asleep on de paper...Bt determination told me i cant~~I wan go UK le....mus atleast pass~~ I nvr left blank on de paper bcos i believe tat jus by simply tembak...at least u gt de chance to have some marks if correct...hehe~~^^

Times nt enuf to do all de ques a~~i spent 1hour+ jus on de 1st ques~~god~~den fast fast do all de left ques...hmm...jus hope i could pass la...den i'll b vry thankful jor~~=) Clock strikes 12.15pm...it was HOLIDAY lu~~woohoo~~bt~~sad tat im leavin coll n cant have bak thos coll life jor~~ I realy loves it~~hanging out around wit YS,bobo them...evryday jus laughter wit frens...assignments..i gonna miss u~~n my teamate who loves last min work~~bt stil v manage to come out de result~~^^

After tat v went to Pizza Hut~~WTF!!PH again??i jus had it ystrdy wit dear~~haha~~cant thk of it...i would have vomit...eating so much of it... Reach ther i cal dear~~he say he's at Ampang n could come over to fetch me~~Wow...good....tot of eating Happy Season geh~~mana tau~~Uturn again go PH bside eat KFC~~zzz~~ahaha~~XD Bt still feel bad leaving my beloved frens behind n din pei thm for de last day~~hmm~~>.< After eating KFC, dear say he wan go Serdang franchisee ther do somethg so drop me at South City Plaza to shop shop sin~~go in...mana tau goin~~De CNY song wah!!lik realy thos cny mood....pi ling pa lang~~so loud~~fuck u no free style~~ahaha~~XD Many shops is close...doesnt c any PArkson sign..so jus take a stroll on de ground floor..n bought somethg tat is buy 1 free 1 item~~hehe~~den dear cal come say 1 pick me jor..so fast..say will go distribute flyers...

Den v go into housing area...park the car 1 side & starts distributin the flyer by walkin....Damn!! de Sun is hot lik in an oven a~~Feel lik i almost Hangus jor le~~bt its fun distributing it wit Dear~~hehe~~both of us dist till i finish sin...den v went off..n he consider off work la...ahaha~~n v go fo CEndol~~ After that...whole body is so exhausted...mentally tired....gosh~~hot lagi~~den v went bak...bath...den lagi go out...go eat Sushi~~wah~~no rest a...till nw~~>.<

I thk i goin to sleep soon after tis...I can do anythg i wan d nw...bt stil misses coll life~~ Wanna start to find job d lo~~The loan to UK oso i duno hw~~ther is so many rules n regulations to be follow n fulfilled n i cant even find de suitable candidate to b my guarantor...haih~~ really duno hw...bt really wish i could go~~>.<

Hmm~~Tired a~~wanna sleep soon~~a new day new start...tomoro can go shopping lo..with dear...hehe~~XD

ScaRE~~>.<

14/01/2010

We been together also 5mths d...although thos period of time u do give me c de face...bt stil tat nite is de most scariest one...

I'm scare of the feeling....cos its coming back~~
When always face ur angry face I become small and dont know what have i done to make you angry again~~I really scare...

That nite after you off work i straight see your tat face again....I tot it will be fine soon...bt u say u wanna fetch me back...the feels is like u dont want to see me tats y u fetch me back...

In the car we doesnt speak a word and my tears jus keep fall from ur house to my house...
Stil you doesnt give me "An Wei". I really so sad bout it...y u are lik stone heart tat time...>.<

When almost reach my house only i DARE to speak to u~~i bring up all my courage...den i ask~~
"Wat have i done wrong??to make u so angry me??"
Bt u jus replied "Nothg, my mood is nt good dun wanna tok bout it"
Wat i ask u jus replied me dun wanna tok bout it...wait i exam finish only say~~

It really makes me think back my past...when you dont wanna say a word..which is very scary~~and then end up~~jus lidat...
Haih~~i really duno wat to do tat time jus askin u...den i remembered that i forgot to take my exam slip cos de day after tat is my exam...
Den u have to turn back to ur home...n say i duno u tomoro exam...
den oni i ask u...izit u dun1 c me oni fetch me bak...u din answer me...

On tat moment...i realy feel lik so Hurt...so...Speechless...i oso duno hw to describe it~~
I told u~i realy dun lik tis kind of situation...I dun1 to c whn i go bak i c my parents quarrel den both of us also quarrel...Still tears falling down from my hs to ur hs....

When reach your home I feel so awkward..bt lastly u smile to me...n ask me dun cry anymore...I feel so relieve...bt stil tears would fall~~
U nvr told me y u angry...n I stil wondering about it....

I realy hope i can und u more....n tis few days...i do learned new thgs bout u~~

Its Time to LEt GO!!!

3mth plus oso over jor....i stil haven gotten over u~~~
bt nw i noe de truth...tat u have others in ur hearts d....
I thk its time for me to LET You Go n Have ur own life....
I wish u all de best~~wit her....
I hope u wont treat her lik u treat me....>.<

Tis is de video i dedicate to u~~>.<

郭靜Claire-我不想忘記你

~~FiNalLy~~

WooHoo~~~After all de hard work tis 3weeks sleepless nitez of burning midnite oil~~~
At last~~all de subject finalz~~finish lu~~HapPy DAO~~~~=D

Nw its time to holiday jor lo~~jus a short 2 week+ nia~~~wanna go wet 99 le~~
bt fren seems so busy,sum workin sumur~~~

De ppl i miss pula workin~~haih~~no time pei me~~siennya~~~hehe~~~^^

WANNA GO OUT!!!GO OUT!!!!PLAY~~~~CLUBS~~~yUHOO~~~~XD